I’ve decided to give up drinking. No, seriously. I’m like really over it and all the complications and repercussions that come with it. Nothing ruins a day quite like a hangover and nothing influences poorly made decisions better than being under the influence of alcohol. I thought about it today and I literally can’t think of one good thing that has ever come from me being intoxicated. I mean sure, I’ve had some good even great times while sippin’ on some vod, but I’ve also had way more great times while sippin’ on sweet tea. And any good decision I’ve ever made while drunk? That either hasn’t happened or obviously it wasn’t a good enough decision for me to have even cared that I made it. The cons outweigh the pros on this one guys. I mean sure, I’ll dabble in a glass of wine or a beer or a bottle of Andre every now and then. Long Island Iced Teas are also going to be a hard act to follow. But, for the most part I’d say I’m done with drunken nights feeling like hell in the morning. I want my bad decisions to be ones that I make on my own instead of with the help of my girl Burnette. Sobriety in, alcohol out.
I dedicate this one to you alcohol. Especially the line “I fell flat on my face.” Because, let’s be honest, you caused me to do that more than once. That’s another thing I won’t miss about you- the scraped knees, hands, and random bruises. And then that time you caused my college roommate to break her tailbone. That was just really cruel dude. I’ll still enjoy you in small doses like that one friend who you can only tolerate for like 30 minutes before having to rush away because “wow totally forgot that I promised my hamster I’d take him to see that new movie and it starts in 5 minutes byeeeee!” This relationship has just gone sour and I’m trying to rid my life of negative people and abusive relationships. You used me. For your own entertainment and enjoyment. I mean, you caused my shoe to somehow end up in a bathroom drawer. What was that really about? Jealousy issues? I’ll probably miss you sometimes like when I have to go to a wedding reception that’s really boring or anytime I have to go outside in the winter for periods longer than 30 minutes but I won’t miss my actions, decisions, injuries, etc. that occur while with you. Farewell, I’ve turned my back on you for the final time. Little Dragon knows what I’m talking about don’t you girl?! Nah, not really but it’s an awesome song.