Musings from the public library

Well people, it’s happened. My faithful laptop has gone where all the laptops with honest and decent hardrives go: laptop heaven. Should have seen it coming but I did not. Instead I am left quivering in the wake of this tragedy and having to adjust to life without the faithful Mac (shoutout to Sally for uniting us). I’m going to be honest, this adjustment has been extremely difficult. I didn’t realize how much I relied on the guy. My life has now become strangely more quiet without my iTunes and also less connected since I have no real access to Facebook or other social media. Let’s be real here- Facebook from your phone is just not the same. You can’t stalk people as well because you can’t see their faces as big and clearly as they would be on a computer screen. So here I sit in the public library.

There are some things I would like to address with regard to libraries. Though I worked in one for a short time before I was kindly not asked to come back for a second semester (I think this could have had something to do with the naps I took amongst the shelves when I was supposed to be shelving but just a guess) I still just don’t get them. They literally make no sense. I know there’s like a system where they’re arranged by weird letters and numbers that make sense to someone. Not sure who because I have tried to understand it time and time again but it still is just not practical to me. Why can’t they just arrange the books like they do in Books-A-Million? A section for music, a section for history, a section for young adult, etc. etc. That’s what’s most practical. I honestly think it’s because the librarians want you to talk to them and what other time do you need their help besides when you can’t find a book? “Excuse me ma’am do you happen to know where I can find To Kill A Mockingbird? Oh! Of course! In the section of Z8673F89348! Knew I should have checked there first but I’m so dumb! I checked THE REALLY IMPORTANT FICTION SECTION.” See? Just doesn’t add up. It’s a conspiracy.

Questions I have regarding libraries of the public variety:
1. Seriously, what is up with the organization of literature?
2. Why are the keys always suspiciously sticky on the computers?
3. Why are you still using Dells? Don’t you know Mac is where it’s at? (I’m going to be a rapper)
4. Why do you have a kids table setup not in the kids section? Like, I’m trying to write and somehow find a book in here. You’re distracting me and making weird noises.
5. Babies shouldn’t be allowed in here. That’s not a question. It’s a very strong suggestion. There is no reason for an infant to be in a library. Ever.
6. Are these keyboards ever cleaned? I kind of actually don’t want to know that answer.
7. Can you (librarians) see what I’m doing on here? If you can will you look at me and raise 3 fingers? ……………………….. okay guess you can’t.
8. Is there a self-help section here?
9. How do I have a $2 fee on my card when I don’t remember ever having checked out a book from here? WHAT BOOK WAS IT?
10. If I turn up the Led Zeppelin I’m listening to really loud will people tell me to turn it down?

Me and my library card.

Well, those are pretty much the only questions I have. I’m sure more will come up when I find the self-help section. If there is one. I can’t picture them really having what I need. The title I’m looking for is “Libraries For Dummies.” I’m just really confused at libraries right now. Aren’t people supposed to go there to enrich themselves and learn more? But they make it so damn difficult to find anything that I feel like the people who need smartening up the most would give up as soon as they saw how the books are arranged. Are you there library God? It’s me, Fraser and I can’t figure out why you are the way that you are. But hey, at least I have a library card. What do you have? Now I’m off to find the self-help section. Wish me luck friends.

Also, thank God for headphones and Pandora. And hand sanitizer. This keyboard is really really giving me the creeps.

The library is my house of the rising sun.


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