Tuesday Interview With A Friend (Installment 1)

Well guys, I’m back. So much has happened/occurred since the last time we spoke. So much that I can’t even begin to go into it all because it would may or may not turn into a novella of sorts. Instead I will tell you of some posts that are to come which include, but aren’t limited to: my trip to DC, turning 23, that time I saved a turtle’s life, etc. But that’s for another time. Now I instead will share with you something I have decided to call Tuesday Interview With A Friend (this title is not permanent because it sucks but I’m having difficulty in thinking of something more creative so if you have any ideas… let me know). For this first edition I chose to interview my best friend/soulmate/other half Palmer. Those of you who don’t know her, prepare yourselves because she is the funniest person you could ever hope to meet. There’s no may or may not about it. She is funny. LIke funny to the point where I’m ugly laugh crying the entire time we’re together. She is also the only successful long distance relationship I’ve ever been involved with. In the following interview we will discuss important topics such as Big Macs and Justin Bieber. Enjoy! 


Pals and I circa Summer 2011

WYR Toby Keith, Uncle Kracker or Donny Osmond?
I choose Toby Keith, but there’s a twist: I would listen to “Red Solo Cup” one time and it would promptly induce suicide so really I’d only have to listen to it once. Win win!
WYR listen to only Pit Bull or only Nickelback for the rest of your life?
Pitbull. His November 2012 album “Global Warming” shaped the way the world views the environment. He is almost as influential as Al Gore.
David Archuleta or Justin Bieber?
Justin Bieber because I love little boys.
What are some songs you’re totally loving right now?
“Tokyo” and “Better Day” – STS9   
“Brokedown Palace ” – Grateful Dead
“Land of the Bloody Unknown” – The Middle East
“I Love You Always Forever” – Donna Lewis
“Starlings of the Slipstream” – Pavement
“Chocolate Town” – Ween
If you had to choose one not to fall victim to the 27 club who would you choose? And you can’t say Kurt Cobain because I already know that’s who you’re going to say so surprise me.
Alan Wilson. He was the lead singer and primary composer for the band Canned Heat. They fucking ruled. Correction: rule.
When Harry Met Sally or Sleepless in Seattle?
Both, simultaneously. What else does that bullshit Picture-in-Picture button on the remote do?
Andy Samberg or Tony from Skins dead for 30 minutes?
Andy Samberg! Take that, Joanna Newsom!!!
Favorite item of clothing and why?
My mom’s Family Circle Cup sweatshirt because it smells like her.
If you could only wear one pair of shoes forever which would you choose?
My 6-inch Yves Saint Laurent stilettos. Not only are they beautiful and the nicest thing I own, but I feel like because of how often I fall in them I could be involved in some pretty lucrative lawsuits.
What’s your spirit animal?
I guess a flea because they are everywhere in my house.
Do you think your zodiac sign accurately depicts you? And why?
Absolutely. Geminis have a tendency to be two completely separate people at once. There is a side of me that is outgoing, persuasive, and energetic, and then another side of me that tried to punch you when I accidentally roofied myself.

Do you miss cheese?
You know when you break up with someone awful and you miss them when you’re sick or drunk? It’s a lot like that.

Do you think the Great Gatsby will exceed expectations or fall victim to great expectations?
It probably will not exceed my expectations. I have pretty high standards, so as soon as I read the book I wrote a screenplay for my own film version knowing that I could do it best. My Gatsby inspired puppet film will probably hit Hulu in 2014.
Why are we best friends?
We are best friends because you don’t move around too much in the bed when we have to share, you get worried when I don’t text you back, you made me wet my pants once, and we aren’t the same size so we don’t have to share clothes but we can share shoes.
How far would you go to show the extent of your love for me?
I would get too full then make myself throw up in a public place for you.
Would you rather be colorblind or tone deaf?
Colorblind. I would still dress as sad as I do now. I’m currently wearing someone else’s black leggings with a dark blue Braves shirt I got in 1993.
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be?
In light of my recent break up with dairy, I would have to say mashed potatoes.
Would you rather only be able to eat Big Macs for the rest of your life or those dorito taco things from Taco Bell?
Big Macs. Wow, what a versatile food! If you remove everything but the lettuce you have a salad.
Here’s to best friends, luckily knowing hilarious people and pretending to seriously interview your friends. And now I leave you with one of Palmer’s songs she’s like “totally loving” right now that she didn’t include on the list but I have under utmost authority that she loves it.


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